Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Tears of Joy for My Boy

As I've realized many times before in this autism warp, we forget what we're missing until it knocks us over the head.  Scooter had a milestone moment today, one that I had given up to autism puzzle, to prayer, to hope.  

He and his big bro Nickerdoodle were taunting each other with typical brotherly love such as, "He won't share!"  "He said I'm a monster!"  He won't let me be the monster" "He said I could have a turn and then he wouldn't and that's when I came in here and then he tripped me and wouldn't give me the remote." 

Followed by my random response, "Be nice, work it out, take turns, remember to set a good example - both of you!"  Lather. Rinse. Repeat until they play nice or one of us has meltdown.

Today Nickerdoodle countered an argument with a remark towards Scooter,"You don't even know how it works."
Silence.
We looked over to Scooter standing there with a full on frown, quivering bottom lip (Awwwwww!) and tears welling up in his eyes.  Sounds simple, typical.  It was, but not typical Scooter.
While this may not sound extraordinary to most parents, it blew me out of the water!  Simultaneously, Chickie and I ran to him and hugged him.  We both knew that this was not a typical Scooter reaction.  I'm not sure she fully "got" the moment, but she said that she knew he didn't get that sad face cry that way.  

What I saw, for the first time: 
  • Scooter's feelings got hurt
  • This means he's relating closely enough to get the embarassed feeling that personal interaction brings on
  • He was disappointed without
    • frustration
    • anger
    • aggression
    • screeching
    • whining
    • checking out 
    • pretending it didn't happen
  • His response was typical and socially acceptable

What that means to HIM:
He's progressing in
  • logic and cause/effect
  • body awareness
  • interpersonal dynamics
  • emotion recognition: expression, tone of voice, 
  • anger management
  • self regulation
  • appropriate reaction/response

What this means to me:
Communication may become simpler
Cause/Effect logic may be possible
Hope for self awareness, self regulation, self-control, emotions, friends, teamwork, middle school, high school, college, employment, love, marriage, grandkids, eeek!  Too far. ... teehee

I could go into all the Psychobabble, OT speak, Social Skills, Speech lingo to analyze the spit out of it, ... (yawn)
...suffice it to say, I've never felt more happy to see anyone unhappy!  

We've been seeing some incredibly positive strides lately.  I'm proud always.  
But...
The dream, the hope that all mothers have, is for her child to have love in their life.  We are a huggy family who showers each other with love.  I want HIM to feel love, feel the emotion.  I want
HIM to be able to figure out emotions.  I want him to be expressive and sincere.  I've imagined a future of him saying things, doing things - going through the motions for relationships because rote responses that we and society drill into him.  I'd love for his emotional life to be free and sincere. It just may be.

But I suppose I'm getting ahead of myself, and him.  See what I've made of a few tears and a trembling lip?  A swelled proud, bursting heart full of hope for my Scooter.  He's got two wonderful behavior models with Chickie and Nickerdodle.  




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