All in a Day's Quirks

 

G was invited to play at a (NT) friend’s house after their meet & greet morning in kindergarten class this morning.  His buddy wanted to ride in our car with G, so I listened with curiosity to hear what they’d talk about after meeting so many kids and getting acquainted with their teacher and classroom.  As we buckled up I asked, “How did you like your first day?  Did you see lots of kids you know?  What toy did you like best?”  They both gave short one word answers.  The boys then got engrossed in G’s cars and small toy assortment littering my mamavan floor. 

Despite everyone’s efforts to de-clutter family taxi, we NEED objets d’art (the finest art - of distraction!) for G.  I’ve tried many organization methods, but nothing really works well.  (feel free to share inexpensive ideas).  When my other 2 kids were younger, we had a wonderful system.  But G’s a different kid and I’m way more harried.  I usually help him pack a backpack with small items/books to keep in the car and change about once a week to keep his interest.  But G never seems to put all of them back – he hides them behind/under his seat or in cupholders.  But hey, who am I kidding, the toys are really for us.  Anything that keeps him busy and happy or distracts him when upset is good for the other passengers.  Lord help us the day his ailing, thrice cracked ipod touch finally bites the dust.  A piercing wail will be heard in several counties (me), and who knows how G will react.  The loss of a power cord/charger - or worse, his iTouch - is declared a family emergency.  But, I digress.  Soooooo…

K asks G, “What’s that thing?”  So I peeked in my rear mirror.  G had a Bath and Body Works Peace Sign ScentPortable that we keep clipped in the back seat.  G, in his teacher voice…

“This is for when someone FARTS. You hold it up to your nose and smell - real quick…like this,” he explained, demonstrating dramatically. 

“Here, you try it now,” as G waved it around K’s nose. 

“Oh.”  K replied.  Conversation over.

I prepared to be mortified if G decided to fully demonstrate their fresh effectiveness by “ripping one”, in the charming terminology used by my 12 year old.  I’m relieved to tell he didn’t. The moment passed and they went back to zooming the cars around. 

Boys will be boys.  Peace Out, Dudes!

 

http://www.bathandbodyworks.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=4147330&cm_sp=LN-_-Home+Fragrance-_-Scentportables&cp=4090259.4090324.4090327.4432044

 

Seeing Ezra
A Mother's Story of Autism, Unconditional Love and the Meaning of Normal
by Kerry Cohen

Autism Mother Follows Her Heart

Honest, real, tenacious. I feel the raw emotion, worry and frustration plucked straight out of my soul and heart and onto the pages. Autism's rippling effect of disability dis-ables every aspect of family life.  Motherhood: protect, serve, anticipate, support, love, research, counsel EVERYONE surrounding the child. Right now, right now, right NOW. Feel guilty for needing, frustrated for wanting, desperate for hope.

Absolutely loved it!  Cohen's story and writing resonates to my core.

5 stars out of 5


http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1580053696/ref=cm_cr_rev_prod_title#_

http://www.kerry-cohen.com/about.html

Interview with Author:
http://www.king5.com/new-day-northwest/Author-of-Seeing-Ezra-Kerry-Cohen-132699263.html

Countdown to 1st day of school: 14 Days!

What will I do?
 
My day won’t be punctuated by my son N sneaking up to lean close to my ear and share a LOUD BURRRRRRRRRRRRP.  

It’s all about shock value.

He’s so 12.   

N with a ooey-gooey glob of caramel on his birthday. 

I struggled to round up G to get in the car, near the end of my patience after a 20 minute “let’s-get-ready-and-out-the-door” scramble. I spotted him squatted down in the driveway and hurried over to get him moving. 
“Look what I found!  A illegal feather!!!”, G squealed happily as he jumped up and waved his treasure.

G Translation???

Furrowed brow, I asked, “Why is it illegal?”

G: “It’s FROM illegal!”

A-ha! …ah-ha-ha-ha
Got it.

Poor G has a yucky virus. Nothing worse than a summer cold. He started antibiotics and had a day of feeling much better yesterday, but is all clogged up again today.

“When I lay down,                     more boogers come into my nose.”

I love that simple “body aware” observation, and that he communicated it so well. He’s becoming more in tune with his body’s feelings and expressing them more frequently.

G’s in touch with his inner boogers! How Oprah.

Go G, booger down!


In case you wonder the same thing (like I did), here’s a simple explanation:

Gravity

• CT scan of sinus cavities
  Sinuses are small airbags, found in the bones of the face. When they cannot drain properly, it is very difficult to breath through your nose. This problem can worsen at night when you lay down. Gravity plays a role in sinus drainage. While in a lying position, the sinuses may drain down the back of your throat, causing irritation. If you lay on one side or the other, the sinuses will drain to that side, making it difficult to breathe through the nose.

Read more: Why Do Noses Get Stuffy at Night? | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/about_5367310_do-noses-stuffy-night.html#ixzz1VUa6oXcP

A fine video highlighting the stark reality of Autism.  Please share this to raise awareness.

 
When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.
Henri Nouwen

When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.
Edward W. Howe

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.
Oprah Winfrey

I have friends in overalls whose friendship I would not swap for the favor of the kings of the world.
Thomas A. Edison

It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.
Marlene Dietrich

It is not so much our friends' help that helps us, as the confidence of their help.
Epicurus

A hug is like a boomerang - you get it back right away.
Bil Keane

Thank you dearest friends, for being there when I need you.  I have a difficult time seeking out help. I believe that the biggest misconception is that someone has the ability to reach out when they are deeply troubled.  Often it’s this point at which we are most isolated.  We wonder who will understand our troubles.  My close friends know my incredible strength, know that when I ask for help it must be very very painful.  The smallest of gestures can make the difference between despair and hope.

Blessings to you - my family of friends - who came to my side without question or judgment. You are held close to my heart.

Your support means the world to me.  YOU mean the world to me.  I hope that I may return our beautiful friendship boomerang in YOUR hour of need.

I asked G what he wants to be when he grows up. 
He said, "A prisoner!"

I asked,
"Why, what will you do?"

He replied,
"I want to be the boss of everything, everywhere!"

I thought for a minute,
"Do you mean the President?"

"Yes, the Prisoner!"  He exclaimed.

I hope his kindergarten teacher doesn't ask that
on the 1st day of school... 

 

Every once in awhile I get caught up in ridiculous “normalism”.  That is, thinking in a logical manner or insisting upon something that simply DOES NOT MATTER.  I think my brain can only handle so much random, chaos, unknown and “isms” until I crack and hyper-focus on silly mundane points. 

My daughter bought a Happy Napper with her allowance money yesterday during our girl’s night out shopping (love to bond with my darling daughter, easy-brightly-smiling-tween and loads of fun).  She’s in the funny stage of being too old for some things, yet not for others.  I’m thinking these are ok because they’re useful?  Who knows.  Some of her friends still play with Barbies, so I’m ok with a pillow.  I’m in no rush for heels and makeup.  So, M picked the pink LadyBug, which she called LoveBug.  Later at bedtime I asked her if she’d named it yet, and we set about suggesting names and voting.  She decided Lulu the LoveBug was best.  Cute! 

G had gotten one about a month ago, after begging for one for a couple months.  He wore me down (and I must admit they’re cute). See G happily sticking his tongue out like his doggie Happy Napper in the shopping cart after Tae Kwon Do.  He tried to slide the gold lion in – hmmm - it mysteriously disappeared.     I forget what he named his then, if at all, it was fleeting.  He’s not big into personalizing stuffed animals or humanizing (friending) behaviors.  Anyway, I asked him what his doggie was named.  He said, “LoveBook” (must be what he thought we were saying with M’s "LoveBug”).  Picture scrunched brows and quizzical expressions on our faces.  I told him that it sounded just like M’s name, and he should make his a different name.  He protested, screeched and flapped.  But M and I persisted.  We kept up with funny suggestions (Herbert, Sailboat, Jaws, Easter Bunny, Shaggy and the like) until he calmed down, laughed and got involved in our discussion.  He chose one after we got into more serious “normal” names (we wore him down, lol).  His doggie’s name was officially “Spot”.  I know, totally unoriginal - but more socially acceptable in my mind than LoveBook (sounds a bit naughty, ewwww).  So Spot he was…

…But G showed me up as usual.  Silly Mama!

Today I asked them to tell Daddy their Happy Napper names.  G exclaimed, “Spotted!"

Hilarious!  He puts his G stamp on it always.  Gotta love it.  This is sure to fall into the ranks of familyisms, those events or terms that aren’t truly understandable or funny until you get the “backstory”. 

Spotted he is, dearest G! 

 

If you’re not familiar with Happy Nappers, you must not watch kid’s tv.  It’s on every commercial break, I think.  The song pops into my head at random times: gas station, bottle returns, mowing lawn.  I need a life.   

https://www.happynapper.com/?mid=1072641

 

IEPs According to Dr. Suess

BY Cameo Van Zandt

Do you like these IEPs?

I do not like these IEPs

I do not like them, Jeeze Louise

We test, we check

we plan, we meet

but nothing ever seems complete.

Would you, could you

like the form?

I do not like the form I see.

Not page 1, not 2, not 3.

Another change,

a brand new box, I think we all

Have lost our rocks.

Could you all meet here or there?

We could not all meet here or there.

We cannot all fit anywhere.

Not in a room

Not in a hall

There seems to be no space at all.

Would you, could you meet again?

I cannot meet again next week

No lunch, no prep

Please hear me speak.

No, not at dusk and not at dawn

At 4 p.m. I should be gone.

Could you hear while all speak out?

Would you write the words they spout?

I could not hear, I would not write

This does not need to be a fight.

Sign here, date there,

Mark this, check that,

Beware the student’s ad-vo-cat(e).

You do not like them

so you say

Try it again! Try it again!

and then you may.

If you let me be,

I’ll try again

and you will see.

Say!

I almost like these IEPs

I think I’ll write 6,003.

And I will practice day and night

Until they say

"You’ve got it right.

By Cameo Van Zandt

Find Cameo on Facebook page,

“You know you’ve got a child with autism when…” https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/112333318804090/

In a nighttime show of mosquito bites, scrapes, bruises and scars from a fun summer day….

G, counting:

“Ouch, ouch, ouch…I have 21 bruises  on my legs!”

 

Sister M, looking closely:

“G, that’s chocolate ice cream drips!”

I tripped over a thrown throw rug (moved to vacuum), and bashed my toe smack(!) into the corner of a kitchen cabinet.  I howled quite a bit, and iced it for 5 minutes, then got back to business.  As I walked around the library later I felt foolish for limping.  What a baby, I thought.  I cooked dinner with a minimum of steps in the kitchen, still babying my toe.  At the dinner table I slid off my shoes.  As I turned to get out of my chair, I noticed my swollen, bruised baby toe.  We made a big deal out of how puffy and purple it was and everyone came to see the spectacle of the ugly overblown digit.  No wonder I was limping and in pain, I exclaimed.

Later as I went upstairs to supervise evening shower and pajama routine, I noticed my toe had turned much darker, actually black.  I saw G and said, “Look G, my toe is getting really dark.  Look at my bruise!” 

G looked at my toe, and quick as lightning, stomped on it, and turned to run into the bathroom. What?  It was so quick I wondered for a split second if it really happened. My brain rushed to take in all the information: serious expression, not playful.  Not scared, he’d seen it earlier.  Not mad, he was in great spirits. 

Simultaneously, I yelped very loudly, as you can imagine. 

G’s reaction was just as surreal as his action.  He ran to the stair top to yell, “It’s ok, I jumped on Mom’s toe.  It’s my fault.  It’s ok, everyone!”   Our stairs are in the middle of our 2 story entryway, and we frequently yell out from there to someone on the 1st floor.  We were all on the 2nd floor, which he knew.  There was no reason to yell there because we were all within earshot of my LOUD cries. 

I asked G, exasperated and frustrated, “Why did you do that? What made you do that?”

“I don’t know.”

Neither do I.  How to figure this one out?  How to not worry that he might do that to someone else some day.  How to figure out how to explain it when he clearly did it as an impulse reaction.  I’ll revisit it, try to work it into a learning experience of how to be gentle and loving when someone is hurt, which of course he already knows and practices.  What made this scenario different?

I’m baffled.  Some actions and behaviors are not going to fit into a neat box.  Try as I may, logic and predictability often do not dictate G’s behavior or instincts.  They can’t be explained.  I must give it up, quash my curiosity and use that energy towards preventing it from happening again.  My sweet G would not hurt a thing intentionally.  

I’d so love a G user manual, preferably one that includes social stories for G’s triple-cracked, always-on-broken-power-switch itouch (I don’t know how it’s working, a true miracle!).  With full body armor and Motrin for me.  An aide, housekeeper, laundress and masseuse would work quite nicely too.  I’ll cook, mama-taxi, give G play therapy.  Oops- now I’m in la-la land.    Dreams are free!

I’ll settle for assurance that he won’t do this to anyone else, never hurt anyone.  Remotely.

On the plus side, purple is my most favorite color.  I didn’t take photos, but after our little incident, my toe took on a horribly dark eggplant hue and a red circle formed at the base of the toe.  I got an exam/xray to check if it was shattered.  It’s fine, just a simple break.  This photo is 2 days after, still wearing flip flops, no limping.  Too late, I ‘d already finished, G wanted me to wear purple nail polish because it would look “very beautiful with my purple toe”. 

 

Facebook. 

Whatever did we do for entertainment before this real-time, real-people reality showplace at our fingertips, at our whim?  I gain so much support, inspiration and information from my Perky “All in a Day’s Quirks” profile community. Autism parenting can be incredibly isolating.  Sharing and caring have helped me through the toughest times of my life.

My personal “P” profile allows me to stay connected with friends and family and keep a foot planted in a parallel reality.  My BA (Before Autism) “P” facebook community knew me before my jumpy-worried-stressed-overly-serious-exhausted-frustrated demeanor of late.  

Who needs reality tv?  You gotta love a place where you can escape to get "poked" by your:

• 7th grade son’s ex-girlfriend’s mom
• melancholy boss from a college internship
• a sarcastic cat, like her marvelous mama
• haute hairdresser I wish I could afford
• first heartbreak - no worries, I’m over it
• neighbor that you only see on facebook
• smooth sultry singer cousin/soul sista
• adoption social worker whom I adore
• college prof who made all the girls swoon -though I was dutifully focused on sketches
• grade school BFF (and entire family)
• crazy cartoonist
• daughter’s favorite coach
• Player who’s “Facebook Official” relationships are too numerous to count
• Look-at-me-having-fun-are you-jealous self portraitist
• “friend” that you really can’t stand but “friend-ed” because they’re your friend’s friend
• friend’s friend who has the same zany sense of humor so you “friend-ed” but haven’t met   
• funny faraway friend whose entire family can hang a spoon from their noses
• former neighbor with sizzling pole dance instructor career
• cousin-in-law’s neighbor’s job share partner who has a child with autism
• Under-employed friend with 3K+ fb “friends” who proclaims, “I’m never on facebook”
• magnificent muralist
• party-like-a-rockstar recruiter
• Crush from 80’s,+ his charming gay partner
• ex-fiance's failed 12-step program sponsor
• groovin’ world music radio host
• pimply kid from middle school voted most likely to get into a pyramid scheme
• White Rain big hair babe from middle school
• super-fine “party in the back” mullet dude from high school
• hippie chick who spent 1980-83 stoned
• quarter-bounce/euchre HS primo hostess
• fellow alumnus who admitted he doesn’t recall much from college (including you)
• dental hygienist who suggested laughing gas because “it’s better than sex”
• friend’s illegitimate daughter’s illegitimate child’s estranged baby-daddy
• wickedly rude goad monster who plays victim in love relationships
• Mafioso wise-guy, no photos please
• classic car connoisseur with a fierce Napoleon complex
• aunt’s conservative cleaning lady
• geographically-challenged Mensa Man
• proud parent of piercing/tattoo artist extraordinaire
• playgroup-mom-turned-swinger, TMI!
• stalker-esque person you block from everything but are afraid to unfriend (Thank goodness for privacy settings!)
• 3rd cousin twice-removed’s realtor niece
• Home party mompreneur who posted 50x/day until you blocked her, sorry
• Uber-judgemental fundamentalist with up-to-the-minute hateful diatribes
• G’s OT goddess from 3 years ago but isn’t covered by new crap insurance
• a brilliant gazillionaire
• famously talented socially inept plumber
• decades-ago "friend with benefits"
• a happy horse
• Autism Warriors soulmates who light up facebook in the wee hours.

Truth: I enjoy each and every member of my personal facebook community of friends for their encouragement, laughs and wisdom they share - or strictly entertainment value.   Know-it-all-Nesbit, Debbie Downer, Wild Wayne, Pretty Profile Pix Pam, Information Ike, Sharyl Share-it-all, Defacedbook Don, Political Paul, Regina Rant, Laurie Links, Best Blog Benny, Inspiration Isa or my besties – you rock my facebook world! 

Small Print:

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, creatures or facebook friends, living or dead, is purely coincidental.    Mostly.  You know who you are…shhhhhh.

 

Perky’s Daily Quirk (PDQ)

I loaded up the compost pile with debris from pruning and trimming the garden.  As I went to grab the last 2 stalks from our yucca plants, G protested,

“No!  I want to save those!”

“Why, what are you going to do with them?” I asked, incredulously.

 

“Well, I’ll take them for a walk, then play a game with them. After that I’ll take them swimming, then maybe for another walk…”

Oh dear.  This after a fun family day and playdate with a friend from school.  Just when I think his social skills are improving, he makes friends with a dead plant.  Just gotta laugh.

Yucca-yucca-yucca.    I couldn’t resist.

 

Love it! Welcome to my new segment. Do you have a daily-ism to share? Share it!